If you get the inside right, the outside falls into place.

Eckhart Tolle

I forgot that again, for a minute. That principle sort of saved my life, once, even though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I just knew that I needed to turn inward and find peace. I didn’t realize it, but I was doing exactly what Eckhart talks about: I was working on the inside with meditation, self-care, self-development. It really works! Taking care of the inside has been a shaping force in my life for years now - self-care through meditation, movement, mindfulness.

Recently, though, I had really been letting things slide. I hadn’t meditated for weeks, yoga fell by the wayside as I fought one annoying cold after another, even my forest walks were put on hold due to Seymour’s leg injury (getting better - perhaps soon we will return!). My writing stopped being an expression of joy, and began to feel like some thing I was supposed to be doing a certain way. As I learned about SEO, suddenly just writing seemed not good enough, there were rules I should be following, steps I should be taking. The joy got sapped out of it.

It took a message from my sweet friend Kim (Hi, Kim!), to remind me that any resistance to what is, comes from the Ego, and that all I need to do is turn inward, work on the inner, come home to myself, return to joy.

What is it that pulls us away from the actions we know make us feel best? Consumption is definitely a culprit for me. All those Black Friday emails and Cyber Monday posts - they sucked me in! Not that I bought anything, but I felt like I spent hours online scrolling through deals. The pull of it was strong - I turned to scrolling before turning to writing, before doing the things that felt good. It gives us a dopamine rush, this online potential to buy the accoutrements for a perfect life - even more so if we can buy them on sale!

But, really, I had stopped meditating long before Black Friday. I had stopped, in part, because I love to write in the morning, and time is tight. Taking time from writing to fit meditation in, seemed inefficient somehow. And yet - the opposite is true! Without meditation as a way to centre myself, quiet the mind, writing became so much more difficult, a struggle to create.

As I sapped the well dry, I felt I had nothing to write about, I felt that everything I was writing was weak, not good enough. My ego took over. A feeling of strain took over, of striving. I forgot the very advice I give to my clients: forget about the outer for a moment, and turn inward. Find what feels good, and do that. From that place of feeling inner peace, the outer will take care of itself. As Eckhart says: “Primary reality is within; secondary reality without”

It makes sense, of course. If we are not feeling good within, it truly doesn’t matter what the outside looks like. We’ve heard and seen examples of people who seemingly “have it all”, yet are in the depths of despair. This past year alone, we’ve had too many public examples of this sad reality. The only thing we truly want, is to feel good, and no external conditions can provide that to us. We need to do the inner work for that, and when we do that, life can be blissful and beautiful. When we cultivate inner peace, we are not pulled this way and that by the twists and turns of life, we are able to find sanctuary within ourselves, despite outer storms.

Just what is that inner work, though? What does it mean, to “cultivate inner peace”? I think it is different from one person to the next, but at its root, it is learning to separate from our mind, the ego, which is in constant chatter, constant comparison mode, and always comes from a place of lack. When you don’t feel good enough, that’s your ego, when you feel like you’re better than others, that’s your ego. When you need things to change in order to feel good, that’s the ego.

We are worthy just as we are. We do not need to lose weight, make more money, find true love, become famous, get our parents’ approval, make great art, get amazing reviews, have perfect relationships, in order to be worthy human beings.

You are worthy just as you are. I am worthy just as I am.

Only you can know for sure what works for you, what cultivates that inner peace within you. In fact, the more you cultivate that inner peace, the more you will know what helps you cultivate it! I cannot tell you what you must do to feel at peace, to feel joy. I can tell you the things that work for me, that help me to listen to my inner voice, help me to be guided by that inner knowing. Perhaps these things will work for you, as well. Trust your gut, do what speaks to you, and see what unfolds.

Five ways to Cultivate Inner Peace

Meditate. You knew I was going to say it. Listen, there is not only one way to meditate: you don’t have to sit on a cushion cross-legged and close your eyes to meditate - although you totally can if that’s your jam. I meditate lying down. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation (the Headspace app is great, but there are many others out there as well), sometimes I simply set a timer and meditate in silence. If you don’t know what to “do” try the introductory 10 sessions on Headspace (they’re free), google “guided meditations”, or you can try my relax and reset audio.
Meditation is about relaxing, being mindful, being present. It’s about noticing the thoughts whirling through your head, not about stopping them completely. It’s about noticing them so that you can detach from them a little, get some space between you and the thought. You can do this walking, you can do this washing dishes, you can do this lying down and breathing. Mindfulness has become a bit of a buzzword lately, and that’s a good thing! I highly recommend Thich Nhat Hanh’s books if you are interested in learning more, or Eckart Tolle’s book The Power of Now.
Get some space between you and consumption. Whether that is online shopping, endless scrolling on Instagram, bingeing Netflix, food or alcohol. All of these things pull us away from ourselves, pull us into a sort of unconscious state. So much of the online world is designed to pull us into unconsciousness so that we buy what is being sold. Limit your time mindlessly scrolling, fill your feed with uplifting content, or even get off social media altogether for a time. Notice the space this gives you to create, to discover what you really feel like doing.
Create. We are meant to be creative. So, give yourself some space from trying to be who you think you should be, listen to your inner voice and create. It doesn’t matter what, it doesn’t matter if anyone ever sees it, it is the process of being in creativity that matters. If you are an artist, try a different medium - one with no outcome in mind, one with no pressure attached. If you are not an Artist with a capital A, remember that gardening is creative, cooking is creative, rearranging the furniture is creative (and one of my favourite past-times). Journalling can be both a way to get thoughts out of your head, clearing space for creativity, and an opportunity to express that creativity.
Get outside. Do it. Go for a walk. Bundle up if it’s cold, put on your rain-gear if you live in Vancouver, and go somewhere wonderful for a walk. It might be a walk in the beautiful forest, or along the seawall, it might be a walk in your sweet neighbourhood to look at the houses and imagine living in them, it might be a walk downtown to soak up the christmas lights and the festivity in the air (just don’t get sucked into shopping!). Wherever it is, get outside, spend some time in the fresh air, move your body, and appreciate all that is around you, and within you.
Move your body. This obviously will happen if you do number 4, but I thought it worth a separate mention. Our body is our home, we cannot get away from it, so doing whatever we can to make it feel good can only benefit us. I am not talking about exercising to look good, to lose weight, to get jacked. I am talking about the kind of movement that truly reminds you that your body is supposed to feel amazing. For me, that is pilates and yoga, hiking and dancing in my living room, for you it might be spin and Crossfit. Whatever it is, do it. Make time for it, make space for it. It doesn’t have to be costly or complicated - honestly, my favourite advice to give clients is to go for walks, and add stretching into their day somewhere. Our bodies are meant to move. We feel better emotionally and spiritually when we move our bodies. So give it a try, and see.

One more thing: sometimes, we have to let the ego tantrum run its course. When we are resisting doing the things that make us feel good, rebelling like a 2 year old for no good reason, it can be best not to fight it. Allow the tantrum to run its course, have compassion for our inner 2 year old. When we’re good and ready, fed up with our own resistance, we will turn to one of the things that works to bring us peace. And that will be the right time. So if you’re in the midst of a tantrum, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, see if you can find one small way to offer love to yourself (a candlelit bath is always a good one), and trust that you will find your way to peace again, all in good time.